Fear of Success, Part I: Background

My Personal Soundtrack: Humble Me by Norah Jones (via Pandora)

[Contest: I received no entried for the contest. Probably because my blog traffic was severely reduced by my long silence. I'll post a review and try again when I start getting regular visitors again.]

I travel with the Christopher Hopper Band (I'm the barefoot one sitting in the front). Christopher (in addition to being a youth pastor, prolific songwriter, anointed worship leader, and great friend) is an author.

His first book, The Rise of the Dibor (Tsaba House, June 2006, ISBN:0972548602), releases this week. We're considering driving upstate for the launch party on Friday because, honestly, how often do you get to celebrate a friend's first book? (Well, considering that I have a lot of writer friends that chance comes along a little more often for me.) But, anyways, back to the point.

Earlier this year, Chris asked me about Hush Little Baby and asked me to send him the first chapter. So I did. And he passed it up to his editor, who e-mailed me asking to see more.

And I was really excited, but also really freaked out because HLB wasn't done.

And the more I thought about it, the more I freaked out. And, so I dropped off the face of the Internet, and away from the people who could keep me accountable about it. A bunch of stuff happened in Chris's life and I managed to avoid him for a couple of months too.

I convinced myself that I wasn't walking around in complete bondage and fear. Finally, I faced up to what was happening to me, and, with God's help, broke free of it.

Memorial Day weekend, we had a gig with Chris. Of course, HLB and Tsaba House were the first things he asked me about. I took a deep breath and confessed what had happened, unsure of what his reaction would be.

Chris surprised me.

He put himself on the line for me, called his editor, and advocated for me. I thought my chance with Tsaba House was gone. But there is grace. She still wants to see HLB, is still excited about what she's read so far and she's willing to read it even though it's not done.

So, that's the background story. And the issue I want to discuss this week is this fear that had me locked up.

It's not the rejection I'm scared of, really it's not. I'm scared of success.